AAC Out and About: What Kind of Communication Partner Are You?

We recently experienced two polar opposite experiences in the community. The first was infuriating. The second was so beautiful in its normality that I wanted to cry.

Scene 1: The doctor’s office
The characters: A 21 year-old AAC user, a mom and a doctor

Mateo, the 21 year-old AAC user, was there for his routine check-up. He was seated on the examination table while I sat in a chair beside him. This doctor is relatively new to us. Mateo has seen him about four times since “graduating” from his phenomenal pediatrician. The doctor is nice enough. He might be a perfectly fine doctor for other people, but not Mateo. He asked me one question after the other about Mateo, who was the patient with his device at the ready. Every single question was directed toward me, not Mateo. These were routine, everyday questions that Mateo could have answered on his own. It was like playing volleyball with just two players on our side of the net. The doctor lobbed every question at me, and I bumped the question to Mateo and, with his AAC device, he spiked his response back at the doctor. Now, this doctor is probably a smart man. I know he went to school for a long time. How many times do you think I’d have to bump the questions to Mateo before the doctor would catch on and finally ask Mateo these questions directly? We’ll never know the answer to that question because I, quite frankly, lost my mind. I would estimate that I bumped about 8 questions to Mateo before I finally threw my hands in the air and reminded Mateo that HE was the patient, this was HIS appointment and he should expect to be spoken to directly. Mateo signed he was sorry (because he thinks everything is always his fault–I assured him it was not) and the doctor finally got the message and posed the remaining questions directly to his patient.

You might be wondering why I went into the examination room with my 21 year-old son. Good question. I’m really not sure. I still worry that even when Mateo’s physicians are amazing communication partners something will be misunderstood. I am worried that something will get missed. Mateo is an adult. He knows what medications he’s taking. He communicates his own symptoms and reports when he’s had a setback or medical episode. He asks questions. But he has some very serious medical conditions that we’re all still trying to grasp. In the waiting room, I’d asked Mateo if he’d like me to go into the appointment or wait for him and he asked me to come in with him. So I did.

After the appointment, we all agreed this was not the best physician for Mateo. He’d been given several learning opportunities. He’d failed.

Scene 2: A hipster, college-town coffee shop
The characters: A 21 year-old AAC user, his amazing 23 year-old sister, a dad, a mom, and a barista

We love coffee and this particular coffee shop, on Madeline’s college campus, is one of our favorites. We hadn’t visited since before the pandemic began. All vaccinated, we ventured out after living like recluses. We approached the register and Madeline pulled Mateo aside to help him figure out what he wanted while Manuel and I ordered. Ready, Madeline ordered her coffee and then it was Mateo’s turn. This barista did not move his eyes from Mateo while taking his order. The AAC device was hard to hear and Mateo’s oral speech was harder than ever to decipher beneath the mask. When this barista asked Mateo what size coffee he wanted, he grabbed two sample cups and asked Mateo which he preferred so that he could make a choice by pointing. After posing each question, this barista patiently waited for Mateo to respond, then verified (with Mateo only) that he’d understood correctly. This barista did not look at anyone but Mateo while taking his order. There were people waiting behind us, but Mateo was not rushed.

Now, if you’re not in the AAC world, you might not think this is a big deal. You probably go to a coffee shop and find the barista always talks to you directly when you’re ordering your favorite brewed concoction. But let me tell you, this kind of treatment is a HUGE deal when we’re out as a family. It shouldn’t be, but it is. I may have half-jokingly suggested that Madeline give the barista her phone number because he’s a keeper.

You have a choice to be anything in this world. Be the barista.

You have a choice to be anything in this world. Be the barista.